Little Things
by jjmjmay
Summary: A short Rayne story. River askes Jayne a question and his answer has her seeing him differently.
1. Little Things

I own nothing these are other people's characters that I am toying with because . . . . . well . . . . . they didn't get enough episodes.

**NOTE:** This is the same as chapter two in "Engagements" and it will remain there but I've decided to expand the idea into a short five chapter story. All four chapters are written. All that is needed is some rearranging and editing so this should go up at a pretty quick pace.

l

l

Set 2 years after BDM:

The crew is able to do mainly legit cargo and passenger transportation since the alliance no longer has much sway outside of Core planets and even there has to use most of its resources to keep itself intact and not worrying about minor crime. Hoban Jacob Washburn is about 16 months and goes by Jake. Everyone loves Jake even Uncle Jayne. Simon and Kaylee married a year after BDM and are ready to start their own family. Mal and Inara are together, she maintains her companions license because it comes in handy but doesn't service clients sexually and is also the co-pilot. River is off med's, she still talks strangely at times and has the occasional "crazy time breakdown", they are non-violent and she usually acts strange enough before hand that they have enough warning. She has recovered well, takes care of her appearance and has been actively looking for someone to share her life with. River doesn't read crew if she can help it but Jayne has also learned to block his thoughts from her pretty thoroughly. Jayne has taken on the responsibility of family protector, no longer drinks heavily and has spent very little time off ship by himself since Simon and Kaylee got married. Jayne and River have developed a tight friendship since they often end up together by default.

l

**Chapter #1: Little Things**

l

Ahhh, third try to politely extricate herself from conversation. This was the fourth man who'd approached her this evening and he was by far the foulest although his outward appearance was most agreeable. This was a stop they frequented and she had hoped to meet a man at this festival that was worth seeing again at a later date. Oohhh, she could feel him coming and moved back just in time to watch Jayne drop him with a large meaty fist to the cheek bone. He was about to get grabby, hadn't allowed her to politely brush him off and was a pig so there was no need to stop Jayne. Another unsuccessful evening attempting to find a good lead on a life mate. Her mounting catalog of data pointed more and more toward herself being the reason especially in the situations where she had actually initiated relationship procedures. . . . . . . . .

The first had been Freddie, the smart quirky pilot that Mal had obviously hired because he reminded him a bit of Wash. He'd thought she was cute and genuinely enjoyed her personality. They'd gotten along well that initial month and had their first official date planned. Mal had called it a "low-key meet" still she was required to hang back in the bar and signal if anything was amiss while Jayne and Mal made the deal. Freddie tagged along so they could head off on their own as soon as Mal was through. The contact was solid but bad mouthed the Independent's which caused Mal to start an epic brawl. She could feel fear oozing from Freddie while she and Jayne were enjoying shop talk after leaving the torn up tavern. He'd gotten one glimpse of what she could do and he wanted no part of her. Freddie withdrew from her, Jayne glared and growled at him constantly then a month later he disappeared once they'd made port at Persperone. River went back to being the main pilot and Inara began training as the co-pilot.

After that it had been Michael. He was the port foreman for the biggest trading company on Lansdown which was a busy shipping moon they were commonly running cargo to or from. There had been a lot of flirting and an eventual date. She was stressed and Michael's excitement didn't help. He'd escorted her back to Serenity as soon as he'd noticed she was acting strangely. They got there just as she'd gone into a full-blown episode and Michael was relieved to hand her off to Jayne, who for some reason was hanging around Serenity even though Mal had given him leave. Michael avoided everything other than polite business conversation with her after that but his thoughts about her were hurtful. Jayne took every opportunity to intimidate the man since which was fine with her.

Then it had been Ethan a young passenger who was with them for three weeks. He was relocating to one of their regular stops to take a job as a teacher but there were a few drops to make beforehand. The first couple of weeks had been wonderful and there was even a brief kiss one evening before she turned in. Things had gone sour in the morning when she'd slipped up and mentioned something she couldn't have known. After quickly explaining that she sometimes had psychic visions without giving away any vital information her heart sunk as she read his reaction. He wanted nothing to do with a woman who could read his or anyone's thoughts ever. Then he'd said it was fine and she'd seen the intention in his mind to at least get sex from the weirdo freak before his trip was through. Jayne figured out something was up and offered to beat him to death or as much as she felt he deserved. After she declined he still dutifully made sure that she was never alone with Ethan the final week.

Jayne snapped her out of her thoughts. "Ya OK? Sorry, know ya can take care yourself but that one was really buggin me." She'd been spacing out and could slightly sense his concern for her even though he kept his metal and emotion broadcasting under tight control. "Thank you, he was deserving. You may return to whoever . . . " He interrupted with, "Nah, don't know what I was doin anyways. Sides kinda weird trying ta be myself with woman I don't know. Guess a don't trust em nough to be me." He looked casual and she wasn't getting any reading from him as he continued. "Spect I could land some woman but it don't seem the same na more. Be heading back myself ya comin?" She nodded her acceptance and they began the hike back that she calculated at roughly 2.145 miles.

They quickly fell into their own comfortable rhythm moving along together. River quite liked what they had become however horribly it began. They meshed so well these days, what had started out as working well together had overflowed into everything they did. There was a level of comfort and understanding they shared which she didn't have with anyone else. Weather they spent their time quietly, teasing, fighting or venting at each other there was an underlying stability in what they had built that assured her they weren't going backward. Why couldn't she find someone like Jayne who was actually interested in her. Someone who wasn't afraid of her, didn't mind her occasional crazy fit or her strange way of speaking, wasn't intimidated by her abilities or intelligence huh actually realized she was intelligent. She liked the way he didn't expect anything from her when they did things together. They would be good for each other except Jayne lacked a sexual interest. It wasn't just that but also the desire that she sees between Mal and Inara, Simon and Kaylee or what Wash and Zoe shared. In fact she hadn't felt that for or from any man. Her brain was spinning so fast again, Jayne had a way of slowing it down when they conversed.

"Jayne, why can't I find a man who sincerely desires me?" He didn't acknowledge her for a moment as he scanned the area ahead. "Hell girl you're real sexy in yer own way." It seems that's all he was willing to offer so she clarified. "Not lust or want but desires me and needs me to desire him." He seemed more comfortable with that. "I ain't gotta lot know how with love n such, but my Pa used ta say it was little things that done em in with Ma. Things she done that was just her an they'd stick with em spark somethin inside. Said same things bugged the hell outta em after years but they'd be first things he'd miss when they weren't together a day or two." She tried to rephrase what he'd communicated. "So, little things beget love and together they equate desire?" He responded with, "Guess that's one way a sayin it."

After digesting that and cross referencing it in relation to the relationships on Serenity she felt it had validity. "Like what?" He flashed her a confused look. "What little things about me could turn into love and then desire?" Jayne considered for a short time before coming up with an answer he seemed to approve of. "Spose the way yer brow crinkles and head tilts a bit when yer tryin to suss somethin out. N then that little smile when yer face relaxes once ya get it. Kind a thing could creep up on a man without his notice." She wondered how often she did that for him to notice. Was she doing it now? Wait! He'd noticed what he considered a 'little thing" that lead to love and then desire. "What else? She must know them all, has to recognize any possible match!" He gave her his patented "yer nuts" look so she stared at him and waited knowing he'd relent if she did it long enough.

"There's ah the way you's skirt around kinda floatin on yer toes when ya ain't wearin nothin on yer feet. Them long skinny feet that I seen takin out plenty a man have a way a catchin the eye and stickin with me." He glanced over then so she stared back expectantly. "Ya's always makin faces and rollin yer eyes at Mal or Simon when they ain't lookin. That never gets old even though I figure ya do it ta me too. Way ya can make somethin real simple all complicated with that giant brain a yers always keeps things real interestin." Jayne paused long enough to figure out she was again waiting for him to continue. "Got a way of movin an sittin and twistin round in general that's hard ta explain, its just you no one moves like you. . . Probably my favorite's the way ya can light up like a kid at anytime with them big wide eyes like the verse is some bright shiny new place ya never been . . . . . That's nough a me tootin yer horn you figure the rest out yerself Moony."

"Jayne we get on so well lets plan our own engagement next time we are planet side. We won't have to worry about being anyone or anything that we aren't already when we're together." Jayne looked appalled. "Engagement ain't that like getting hitched?" She gave him a half-hearted frown. "Assurance, betrothal, bond, commitment, contract, espousal, obligation, pact, troth and many others. Its any number of agreed upon happenstances or appointments. Would you prefer we call it a date?" she teased "Aright genius ya made yer point. I'm in whatever ya wanna call it." River sent Jayne her best smile. "Oh it will be great! We must research thoroughly and make a detailed plan." Jayne was suddenly giving her his fake intimidating look. "Not too much plannin woman, point is ta have fun." Her brain was picking up speed again. So many plans needed to be made and large numbers of calculations needed to be quantified if she was to turn this first engagement into an actual engagement.

Jayne had a strange warning itch in the back of his brain as he watched River's brow crinkle and her head tilt just a bit. There was something big he was supposed to know but it eluded him. In the end he decided to ignore it since it was River. She'd a killed him long ago if she ever wanted to hurt him and he figured anything else she was up to was probably for the better considering how smart she was. He suddenly wondered if he'd ever really understand what his Pa been telling him about his Ma. He thought he had once a long time ago but nah that wasn't the same thing his Pa had described. If he ever did get to feeling that way and the woman was cracked enough to love him back he'd sure as hell never let her go.

l

l

l

l

Author's notes:

Thanks as always for reading (especially if you already read this in engagements :-0) and all feedback is welcome.


	2. An Old Woman's Insight

I own nothing these are other people's characters that I am toying with because . . . . . well . . . . . they didn't get enough episodes.

**NOTE:** Please read the pre-chapter description as it has changed a bit from chapter one.

l

l

Set 2.5 years after BDM:

Hoban Jacob Washburn is closing in on two years old and goes by Jake. Everyone loves Jake even Uncle Jayne. Simon and Kaylee married a year after BDM and Kaylee is four months along with their first. Mal and Inara are together, she maintains her companions license because it comes in handy but doesn't service clients sexually and is also the co-pilot. River is off med's, she still talks strangely at times and has the occasional "crazy time breakdown", they are non-violent and she usually acts strange enough beforehand that they have enough warning. She has recovered well, takes care of her appearance and had been actively looking for someone to share her life with until about six months ago when she began to focus on Jayne. River doesn't read crew if she can help it but Jayne has also learned to block his thoughts from her pretty thoroughly. Jayne has taken on the responsibility of family protector, no longer drinks heavily and has spent very little time off ship by himself since Simon and Kaylee got married. Jayne and River have gone from having a great working relationship and friendship to spending much more time with each other than anyone else.

l

**Chapter #2: An Old Woman's Insight**

l

Over the last six months River had learned what it felt like to be a woman constantly wondering what was happening inside a certain important man's head. It was frustrating and had her over analyzing everything involving Jayne while second guessing everything she did. As infuriating as it was for River with her already overactive brain, she did see and appreciate that Jayne was giving her what more than likely no other man ever could, a fairly normal courtship. Well as normal as it could be when one party was completely and in her opinion stubbornly unaware that they were in fact engaged in a relationship headed toward unity. River took a deep breath as she watched Jayne chase a giggling Jake back toward her location and remembered Zoe's sage advice.

_They had just returned and River was frozen in the hold watching Jayne's back disappear toward the mess. She was still engrossed in her planning for their engagement when Zoe emerged from the shadows and caught her attention "You've finally noticed." River felt Zoe's thoughts wash over her, she really was a sultry minx, she'd figured out how River's reading worked and carefully schooled herself not to think about anything she didn't want her picking up on. Viewing Jayne through Zoe's eyes she saw how he was the first of the men to view her as an adult woman and how in his own way he had pushed Simon and Mal to do the same. How he hated the other men she'd been involved with but had hovered around to make sure she was alright while being careful to let her make her own choices. Most telling to Zoe was the way he constantly accommodated River into his life since Miranda because as a rule he always made others accommodate him. "Just have to spend time with him, no need to push too hard." River looked at Zoe inquisitively, "It's been natural so far, let it continue and remember he's like to wanna be very sure when he does figure it out, before moving forward." _

_Inara had uncharacteristically spilled her tea doing a double take after registering River's very open body language toward Jayne a few evenings later. River had nodded an affirmation in response to Inara's questioning look. She'd taken it in stride since and began to see it as a good thing._

_Mal watched until just before the third "engagement" when he'd told her "Whatever this thing yer doin with Jayne is, I don't want to hear about it if it goes bad." He still felt that way, didn't see it as a bad thing but didn't want any complications and didn't want to lose anymore crew for any reason._

_Kaylee tempered her hopes as best she could when they had started walking out together but she'd pictured it like a fairy tale for months now. One where Jayne and River suddenly realized they were in love while staring into each other's eyes. She longed for her family to be as happy as possible so she'd protected what she thought was a secret and made sure not to dote on either of them about it._

_Simon had warmed to Jayne long before the most recent developments. First he'd seen Jayne as someone who occupied River's time and entertained her. Then he'd seen him as her trusted protector and finally her friend. It was him seeing them go out with each other that had caused his subconscious mind to categorize them together like Mal and Inara or himself and Kaylee. Jayne had also been elevated to the primary person who took care of River while he himself became secondary. It was also the reason that he had finally agreed with Kaylee that it was the right time to have a baby although he didn't know it. His conscious mind continued to live in denial which was fine with River because he would surprise himself with his acceptance when the time came._

River was disrupted from her musings by Jake bowling her over where she sat on their picnic blanked. "Uncla Jaaane ganna getsus!" Jayne lumbered over them and growled while he tickled Jake's sides. River cradled the squirming screeching Jake and looked up to see Jayne's wide grin and his deep blue sparkling eyes. "More fun than you thought it would be!" she ventured. He swatted Jake's butt playfully before straightening up and nodding. "Should get the whole crew one time, maybe find some fresh meat to grill and a pond. Looks like ya got everything cept the blanket packed up." She shifted and began to get herself and Jake up while responding. "Yes, we must have Jake back by the agreed upon time to honor Zoe's trust." Jayne smirked at her wording and began to shake out the blanket as River occupied Jake. It only took another minute or two before they headed out. Jake was pulling River by the hand, trying to chase a squirrel with Jayne trudging behind warning the boy off pulling his aunt around when they came up on the old woman who'd been sitting under a tree watching them for the last hour or so. "So energetic, but you two are great with him and the practice will pay off when you have your own." Jayne grunted and waited for River to correct the old woman but she simply waived politely and continued on with Jake.

They'd been walking for five minutes and Jayne was sure something was off. He'd waited and nothing, River loved to talk yet she hadn't said anything to the old woman or him about it. She had purposely ignored the comment and focused on Jake instead. There was no denial, no correction and no joke. He paused when his brain provided the answer. They were courting and River knew it. He forced himself to start walking even though his brain was now stuck on thoughts of River having his child. He knew she was a good-looking woman but something about picturing her swollen with his child made her seem like the most desirable woman in the verse. It wasn't so much the thought of sexing her, even though he suddenly realized he really wanted to. It was the realization that she was the one woman in the verse that he would want having his child or children that he hadn't even known he'd wanted. This was River, she was crew and much more to him, which meant he had to be sure whatever he did. Leaving was out they'd all been through too much together for that. He growled low and long, thinking hard on things wasn't something he liked to do.

River was past the point of denying anything. She could feel Jayne looking at her as they continued walking past the old woman. She picked up on the pause in his gait, a flare of emotion he stomped out to quickly for her to recognize and then a minute later his very quiet growl. It had finally happened, he knew and she was a mix of anxious, scared, excited and hopeful all at once. River took a deep breath and concentrated, she was after all an expert on Jayne growls, groans and grunts. This was one she'd never heard. It had a tone of frustration, resignation and what she thought was indecision. There was no anger which she took as a very good sign. It was long and quite, perhaps thoughtful. She wasn't sure of that was good or bad. Jayne would know that continuing would be his decision and once again she desperately wished she could see what he was thinking. The walk continued on quietly other than a few excited declarations from Jake. River struggled to come up with something to say or do, that might sway Jayne's decision in her favor.

It seemed the dock and Serenity snuck up on them as they watched Jake yell "momma!" and run off to Zoe at the bottom of the ramp. River looked at Jayne for the first time since they began their walk and was answering his questioning look before she could think. "There were . . . little things, I . . hoped that . . .with time . . . . . . "She gazed down at her hands where they had clasped her dress unable to continue. Jayne couldn't remember seeing her look so unsure and it ate at some part of him. He pulled her right hand off her dress and handed her the basket. "I'll stow the blanket. You take care ta basket. . . . Gonna get some liftin in, an we'll ahh talk later." River was left to wonder if she should be hopeful or not as she watched him nod to Zoe and stride purposefully up the ramp. As Zoe's gaze pierced her she shrugged her shoulders, smiled and then frowned which was enough for the intuitive first mate to piece things together.

l

l

l

l

Author's notes:

Thanks as always for reading and all feedback is welcome.


	3. Simon Says

I own nothing these are other people's characters that I am toying with because . . . . . well . . . . . they didn't get enough episodes.

l

l

**Chapter #3: Simon Says**

l

Simon watched Jayne lifting below as he crossed the catwalk toward the mess. The doctor in him cataloged the physical data which indicated that Jayne had been hard at his exercise for quite some time. He saw the stoic look on his face and the quick almost sloppy pace of his lifts. The whole scene struck him as wrong. Jayne usually only worked out for short stints with a feral animalistic grin of joy and a methodically slow pace for maximum effect. There was no River doing something quietly to the side or hovering close by talking to him. There was no Zoe watching Jake play while Jayne lifted. There was no Mal going over the next job or some chore with him while he worked. Jayne never lifted by himself for extended periods of time. Something was not right and it seemed the rest of the crew had taken notice and left Jayne alone.

The odd vibe continued as he entered the mess. He registered no Mal or Jake and remembered naptime. Then he took in the weird array of the women and figured Mal was avoiding whatever it was that was happening. Inara looked to be making tea but on closer inspection she was tinkering aimlessly at the counter with a thoughtful expression adorning her features. Zoe was sitting very close to River, unreadable as ever while she listened. Kaylee had her hopeful cheerful smile in place and seemed to be trying to engage River as she read through a book of possible children's names. River's pose was a picture of perfect posture, shoulders square, back straight, chin up and hands folded over each other on the table. That in itself was telling, add the fact that she hadn't noticed him and it was clear that although she was looking at Kaylee her mind was occupied elsewhere. Simon cleared his throat gaining all four women's attention. "Does anyone know what's going on with Jayne? It looks as though he's been lifting by himself for quite some time." Kaylee looked slightly nervous, Inara went back to her tinkering, Zoe looked away from him to River who looked down at the table before speaking. "Making a big decision." The thought of Jayne leaving jumped into Simon's head which his brain registered as a very bad thing. "Did something happen? If he's upset or needs help, maybe I should talk to him?" That idea was short lived as all four women gave him an almost choreographed "no" followed by Zoe's "Best to give him his space." The last part was delivered as an obvious order.

He'd done as they said but when dinner came and went with no Jayne and he was no longer lifting weights Simon felt a small bit of panic building inside him. He knew it was mostly the thought of River not having Jayne around. Still it was more than that, it was the possibility of losing another family member and they'd all lost too much as it was. The infirmary was spotless so rather than clean he'd decided to take inventory. It usually helped but he found himself having to count the same things three and four times. He was about to give up when he saw the man in question walk into the longue and through the infirmary doorway. "Doc, gotta talk ta ya" Simon's worry got the best of him as he saw Jayne standing there holding a bottle of whisky and looking more thoughtful than he'd ever seen the mercenary. "Yes, of course. Jayne if River has done or said anything . . . you have to understand if you leave she will not take it well. None of us want you to leave and" Jayne held out the bottle as he interrupted. "Slow down Doc, have a drink. Ain't goin nowhere, River didn't do nothin." He took Jayne's advice and handed the bottle back after taking a generous slug. "That's a relief. Should we sit? What was it you wanted to talk about?" Jayne nodded and headed for the lounge.

Jayne set the bottle down on the table and took the chair while Simon settled in on the coach. "Thing is Doc, I just sussed out that me and yer sis been courtin." Yes of course they had. There it was the piece that connected everything for Simon. Jayne and River being together made such perfect sense as he examined it. He took another large slug of whisky as he waited for the revulsion to wash over him. It didn't happen instead he found himself looking at the man who made River happy and took care of her. Jayne and the women must have been worried about him objecting very strongly and possibly causing a rift in their happy family. That had to have been what was going on all day. "I guess you want my permission?" Jayne's eyes widened slightly as he continued. "You may be surprised, I know I am but I can't think of any reason to object." A deep chuckle from Jayne stopped him from continuing. "Hell Doc! People still askin permission? Hadn't even thought a that." Simon wasn't quite sure what was going on. Jayne's face changed from amused to almost nervous as he watched him. "Ya stumbled round ta start, but ya had River ta look out fer and ya got Kaylee plenty happy these days." Simon's ego went soaring. "I wouldn't have thought you would want my advice in this area, thank you Jayne." Jayne took note of Simon's pleased look and decided not to mention that Book and Wash, had they been here would have been his first choices. He squashed the stabbing feeling of loss that their memories still caused and tried to get to the point. "Mal's as lost with motional stuff as me. I need to know how ya was sure ya loved Kaylee." Simon was formulating his response when Jayne continued. "See soon as I figured it out taday I wanted it, River bein mine, kids n all that. River and I had this talk once, guess it's what started ta whole thing. What she wants is the real thing. She don't want it cause it'll work, or cause it makes sense, or cause I want it. If in I don't love her it ain't right." Jayne seemed to run out of gas with that last line and Simon now understood what he was looking for. "I could tell you how and when I knew with Kaylee but I don't think it will help you. I think it's specific to each relationship. Wanting to be sure you love River before moving forward is enough for me to believe that you do. I can't tell you for sure how you feel but I assume that River could." Jayne seemed to perk up at that suggestion. "Whaya mean?" Simon felt like he was in some alternate universe. Jayne was actually listening to his advice when it came to a romantic relationship with his sister. "She has seen and felt what Zoe and Wash shared, what Mal and Inara have and the whole process of Kaylee and I from the beginning. While I don't think any are the same I would think that all are the real thing, as you said, and she should be able to tell what your feelings are in relation." He watched as Jayne seemed to consider his words. After a moment Jayne grabbed the whisky, took a large swallow, set it down and said "Guess ya weren't top three percent for nothing Doc!" And with that he was up and on his way.

Simon took one more sip of whisky before capping it and staring at the bottle. Jayne had left his bottle of whisky behind to go after River. The verse really was a strange place. Still Simon felt very satisfied however out of character what he'd just done was. As he considered he realized that he was no more the character he once was. He'd done his own changing right along with the rest of his family. He sighed, considered the bottle again and decided to stash it in the infirmary. You never could tell when one of the men would be seeking his romantic advice. Laughing at his own thoughts he added the whisky to his inventory list before hurrying off to see his wife.

l

l

l

l

Author's notes:

It was actually the idea of Simon and Jayne having this conversation made me extend this story. I just like the idea of both of them being out of their elements but essentially being on the same side of something.

Thanks as always for reading and all feedback is welcome.


	4. Last Minute Insecurities

I own nothing these are other people's characters that I am toying with because . . . . . well . . . . . they didn't get enough episodes.

l

l

**Chapter #4: Last Minute Insecurities**

l

River felt itchy all through dinner when Jayne hadn't made an appearance. It was already unusual but when Mal didn't say anything about their missing crew mate it seemed to amplify the whole situation. Inara and Kaylee managed to stir enough conversation to get them through but even Jake sensed that something was happening. Clean-up was quiet other than the sound of dishes being handled. River slipped out as soon as they were finished. Jayne was no longer in the hold so she decided her room was the most likely place for him to find her when he was ready to talk. She thought it might be prudent to double-check her appearance although that thought had her fighting off worries she'd been trying to avoid all day. She retreated to her room as quickly as she could at that point.

Once she had gotten to her room she began to concentrate on all the positives she could. She'd spent most of the day doing that to avoid driving herself crazy with other thoughts that weren't so positive. Zoe had been quiet but steady in her confidence that Jayne would want to continue what they'd started. Inara felt that Jayne taking a long time was a good thing it meant he was considering it. River had to admit to herself that Inara's reasoning was logical and thus encouraging. She told herself again and again that it would be fine, what they had was good and it was real. He had been happier and more content these last six months than she'd ever known him to be. He would surely see that, wouldn't he? She could be very patient in some situations but she'd waited all day and needed to have some sort of answer. He'd said they would talk later and she was going to hold him to it. River was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she hadn't realized Jayne wasn't in his bunk until she'd opened the hatch. He'd be back at some point, she climbed down, closed the hatch, sat on his bed and tried her best not to be overly effected by this small space that held so much of his essence.

l

Jayne felt good about talking to River. Simon was right he could just let her read him and she could be sure that he would be able to give her what she wanted. It was so simple she'd give him the answer and they'd both know. After tromping around most of the ship looking for her he'd determined that she was in her room. The problem was that as he'd been searching he began to realize how much he wanted this to work out. That thought slowed him down as the implications of River reading him started to sink in. What if she looked inside him and saw that he wasn't capable of what she wanted. Or worse she would see that he wasn't the person she had thought. This last thought stopped him entirely. She was within reach in her room not far from him. Somehow in one day he realized what he really wanted and she'd been right in front of him for years. He hated the idea of waiting another day to find out but he suddenly dreaded the thought of her probable disappointment when he was laid bare to her. He could feel the pressure building in his skull he'd never been any good at tests. Gorram dumb ass is what he was! Simon was right in one sense but there was no way River would want him once she really saw him. The thought of River's inevitable disgust was more than he could stand. It figures, he'd finally seen something good that he wanted just in time to be smacked in the face with how stupid it was to think anyone like River would want him. He'd tell her the whole thing was a bad idea in the morning. A heavy deflating weight settled on him and he felt like it was a struggle just to get back to his bunk. He picked up her sent three steps down the ladder. Damn, she was waiting for him. He tried to prepare himself to tell her no as he finished his decent.

l

River sat on Jayne's bed waiting impatiently. She tried not to think about him but being surrounded by his sent in this small bunk that was imprinted with him made it impossible. She'd worked so hard all day to avoid certain thoughts and finally they refused to be put away. Of course he knew what she wanted after today that much was obvious. He was great with Jake but she had no idea what he thought about having children of his own. They'd never discussed it let alone what he would think of having children with her. What if he didn't think she could be a good mother? It was something that she'd worried about in any potential relationship but even more so with Jayne. He'd talked just enough over the years that she had pieced together how hard Jayne's mother must have worked. His father worked sun up till sundown almost every day to make as much money as possible. Jayne's mother was left to handle almost everything else including the budget which was tight even before his youngest sibling Mattie was born with a lung ailment that needed expensive medication. She knew that to Jayne his mother was the toughest woman in the verse, one who did whatever it took to keep the household going and assure her children knew they were loved. He'd never said it but she suspected his motivation in leaving home early was to make his mother's life easier with one less stomach to fill and all the extra credits he could get back to her. River was a mentally damages assassin that came from wealth, how could she ever compare? If that wasn't bad enough, thinking about children led to thoughts of making children which involved physical intimacy. Her insecurities about what Jayne's assessment of her physical appearance might be were a constant struggle. He'd always seen her as female of course that was hard to miss when she popped out of a box naked. While trying to scare Dobson he'd told him she was cute, which from Jayne was certainly no endorsement of sexual attraction. He had told her she was real sexy in her own way and he'd apparently appreciated her feet and the way she moved in general but that didn't necessarily mean that he desired her sexually. In fact all of those statements could easily be interpreted as being nice to his friend and crew mate. She wasn't buxom, blond or painted like the women she knew he used to buy time with. Sure since her health improved she'd filled out a bit but the fact remained that she was slender with smallish curves and she'd never seen Jayne take an interest in women of that build. This was what she feared would be his biggest hang up once he started to consider the ramifications of them being together. She didn't even have any experience or skill to offer as a lover. Willingness and eagerness, yes but absolutely no practical experience. She worried that her inexperience would be yet anther detriment when he considered sex with her. It was hard not to think about it even if she'd long ago decided that she could live without Jayne having a great amount of physical desire for her so long as he could grow to love her. Like any woman she wanted to be desirable but she couldn't figure out if the thought of not being so made her feel more disappointed in herself or for herself. The sound of the hatch opening startled her and she shrugged off the instinct to hide. Jayne paused halfway, obviously alerted to her presence, before finishing his decent.

l

l

l

l

Author's notes:

I know, sorry about the cliffhanger. I wanted to separate this part from the ending so I could give anyone reading a good idea of how I was picturing River and Jayne's mindsets before they come together for their big resolution. The last chapter won't be up quite as quickly as the rest. Its written but I probably won't get around to putting the finishing touches on it for another day or two.

Thanks as always for reading and all feedback is welcome.


	5. What River Sees

I own nothing these are other people's characters that I am toying with because . . . . . well . . . . . they didn't get enough episodes.

l

**Chapter #5: What River Sees**

l

He knew he couldn't do it when he took in her appearance. Her small dainty yet deadly hands were grasping each other and her long dark hair was tangled and untamed, obviously caused by those same hands as she'd waited for his decision all day. It was the slightly timid look in her large brown amber hued eyes combined with the hopeful half-smile on her face that broke him. He couldn't let this woman think he was rejecting her. She needed to know how much he wanted her even though she would surely realize her mistake. Jayne wasn't sure how to proceed as he plopped down next to her. He could see she was nervous and her face had flushed attractively at his nearness. Although she had looked timid a moment before she didn't distance herself or turn away, she turned toward him and met his eyes with an expectant look. She had no back down in her which was another reminder of how much he wanted her. She deserved the truth and he was going to let her see it.

This was it, River tried to shake off her thoughts and smile before Jayne made the bottom of the ladder and turned to face her. When their eyes first met and she took in his hard expression it felt like her heart had turned into a stone and dropped from her chest onto the floor. Then his face softened when she caught his eyes flicker to her mouth and her heart was back in her chest pushing blood as fast as it could. Judging by the heat that flushed her face as Jayne sat next to her she thought she must have turned scarlet. She finally understood all the literary descriptions of strange body behavior in relationship to ones emotions when in love. It was all so different knowing that she was with the man she loved for the very first time since he understood the situation. There was not time to analyze these new developments as the impending conversation was too important. River tried to ignore her body's reactions and give Jayne her full attention.

They sat looking at each other for a long moment before Jayne took the initiative. Seeing the death grip River's hands had on each other had the same effect on him as when they'd been trying to vaporize the material of her dress earlier in the day. "Stop that" he said as he used one of his large paws to pry hers apart. "I ain't good at thinkin an I ain't no good at this," His free had waved between them indicating his meaning while his other hand unconsciously fiddled with River's hand that he hadn't released. "but I . . . ahh, I still want it. Just gotta be sure n that means ya need to be sure." River was elated he wanted them to be together. She lost track of her thoughts for a brief moment to enjoy the feelings of warmth and heat that emanated from where Jayne's hand laid on her thigh caressing her much smaller one. She got her thinking back on track and waited for him to expand on being sure. "Thing is I want ya ta look, make sure I'm what ya want n-dat my feelins is real." He loved her! Really and truly, how else could she interpret his declaration? He was trusting her not only to see all of him but to interpret his own feelings for him. She didn't need to do this to be sure but it was his condition and truthfully she'd never pass up this opportunity after so many months obsessing over what he could be thinking.

"Jayne, you must relax, can't fight it. Naturally closed off, skin to skin contact will help." He nodded, took a deep breath before angling his body toward her and releasing it. River leaned in and placed a hand on each side of his face. The first thing she saw was his fear of being rejected by her as she saw all the things he had done. "Part of what made him but not my Jayne. My Jayne began after Miranda." Their eyes were still locked as she willed him to understand. She felt his fear dissipate after a long moment when he grunted in affirmation. "Could take some time" she said as she slid her right hand down to wrap around his flank. Then she scooted her body closer and rested her head against his chest. Jayne hesitated before wrapping her lightly in his large well-muscled arms causing her to sink into him physically as she began to explore his mind.

Reading Jayne and being cocooned by him while he was so open was overwhelming and exhausting. There were so many emotions and thoughts all at once, both his and hers. Her first conclusion was the most important; they would work even if they would have to work at it. She could see the ironclad eternalness of their commitment would be its strength but would also be the underlying cause for most of their disagreements. The knowledge that both would stubbornly hold onto each other even after their last breath combined with the honesty which highlighted their communication would cause plenty of hurt feelings and altercations especially in the infantry of their relationship. Conversely that same knowledge would give them such security with each other that their learning curve as a couple would be greatly accentuated. She made a mental note not to forget to enjoy each stage of said relationship as much as possible. The temptation to linger and try to map out their lives was pushed aside in favor of sorting out the other things she'd seen and her resolve to enjoy the process

River wasn't sure how much time it had taken her to process all the information she had gleaned but surely judging by her emotional state she must be emitting some sort of phosphorescent glow. Amongst the highlights was finding out that the reason Jayne had begun to steer clear of whores was his admiration for her. With everything she had been through, she still extended herself and tried to find someone to share her life with. That had sparked many new things within him from wanting to protect her to wondering if there was still someone for him. Then there was the way her biggest insecurity had been blown away. He didn't see her as a magical goddess of beauty the way Mal saw Inara nor did he see her surrounded by a glowing aura of goodness as Simon saw Kaylee rather he saw her as she saw herself in the mirror without any unrealistic expectations of appearance for her to live up to. The want and desire for her physical form was a combination of many things. The range of expression's her face could show combined with her eyes that he felt could not be rivaled in the verse, the deceptive strength of her slender well-turned limbs, the unique flowing grace of her movements, the perfect proportions of her feminine curves to her small frame, the appeal of their contradicting size, another score of small physical aspects some of which she hadn't been aware of herself and all of these were tied to two things that she viewed as the most important. First was the way that her character and personality not only amplified but initiated his need for her. Second was the overwhelming desire to have children which started and ended with her.

Overshadowing all of that was when she saw Jayne's hierarchy of women which she sat atop of sharing the spot with mother Cobb. To Jayne her inner strength had let her overcome loveless parents, the horrors of the academy and craziness while still keeping what essentially made her River. In his view the best of women did not give up, could not be beaten by life and were never put off from showing love. She realized that the last bit was why he had never formed a serious romantic attachment with a woman until now. People were so guarded on the rim and in the circles he moved, it was rare to know anyone long enough for either to feel comfortable being their real selves. Serenity was one of the few places where that happened. Jayne watching as she emerged from being lost mentally combined with the slow pace at which they came together had fostered an adequate incubation period for his feelings to grow without his notice.

Jayne figured about an hour and a half had passed since River had begun reading him. He wasn't the smartest guy in the verse but even he knew all was well when she'd melted into him only moments after laying her head on his chest. He was pretty sure that she was done but he didn't know what to do at this point. Even though holding her had its own appeal it also stirred his baser instincts. He could feel the soft swell of one of her small firm breasts pressing against him near the bottom of his ribcage. His hand was resting on the curve of her hip which was arched by the way she had turned into him. The other part of him was completely content experiencing something he'd never felt before. He wasn't sure what he felt but he knew that it was good and he would want to hold her every day. He couldn't bring himself to move the hand from her hip so he squeezed gently with it to get her attention while he started combing through her hair with the other. It must have worked because he felt her move slightly as the low humming noise she made vibrated through his chest.

River took a quick note of Jayne's thoughts when he pulled her attention back by squeezing her hip. She hummed as he stroked her hair before pushing away from his chest to capture his eyes. "My Jayne and your River." She pushed up to her knees, put her hands on his shoulders and leaned in. Any outside observer would have told you that it didn't seem like much of a kiss, hesitation by both parties, rather chaste, no tongue and some nose bumping but for a man who'd sworn off kissing fifteen years ago and a woman who'd missed out on her adolescence it would always be their favorite kiss even after they perfected kissing in the years to come. For River the burst of emotion during the kiss drained what little energy she had left after a day of grinding mentally and emotionally. "Can we take a nap before my Jayne teaches me the physicality's of love?" Jayne grinned and wiggled his eyebrows playfully. "That eager Moon Eyes?" He lifted her up and laid her behind him on the bed before removing his boots. "Have ta keep ya right close though now's I got ya." River stretched and yawned "She concurs and will require his help to move her things tomorrow." He stretched out next to her and let her snuggle in before wrapping one arm over his prize. "Sleep is longs ya want, plenty a time fer learnin later." They were quickly swept away by sleep securely wrapped up in each other.

l

l

l

l

Author's notes:

Busy week so it took a while to put the finishing touches on this chapter. Plus I liked it a bit better when I first wrote it than when I went through and cleaned it up. This was the planned ending but I'm going to leave it as in-progress because I'm considering some sort of shortish morning after wrap up.

Thanks as always for reading and all feedback is welcome.


End file.
